How to observe | Perception | FEELINGS
Observations are the foundation of clear thinking — and the first step in Non-Violent Communication.
The practice sounds simple: describe what you actually see, hear, or notice — without adding interpretation, judgment, or evaluation. In reality, this is one of the hardest things humans can do.
The difference:
- Observation: “You arrived at 9:30 and the meeting started at 9:00.”
- Judgment: “You’re always late and clearly don’t respect anyone’s time.”
Same situation. Completely different communication. The observation is factual and non-threatening. The judgment triggers defensiveness and conflict.
Why this matters:
In NVC — observations are step one, before FEELINGS, NEEDS, and REQUESTS. If your observation is contaminated with judgment, the whole communication falls apart. The other person hears the judgment and stops listening.
In science — the entire scientific method rests on separating observation from interpretation. What did you actually measure versus what do you think it means?
In business — distinguishing what happened from your story about what happened is crucial for good decision-making, incident reviews, and feedback.
In relationships — “I noticed you didn’t call” lands very differently from “You obviously don’t care about me.”
Training yourself to observe:
- Practice describing situations without using evaluative words (always, never, should, wrong, lazy, stupid)
- When you catch yourself judging, rewind and find the observation underneath
- Get specific — observations are concrete and time-bound, not abstract and general
The discipline of observation is the foundation of both Perception and Situational Awareness.
Related: How to observe, FEELINGS, non violent, Communication